Dear Mom

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Dear Mom,

I wish had the time to show you that I forgive you.  I  wish you could see your first grandchild graduate from college. I wish you could talk to my world traveling daughter about the trips you took on TWA in the ’60’s. I dream that you read my skater boy’ s poems and allow him to hug you as he always knows when someone needs it. I wish you could see my sassy girl belt a triple to the fence and the next hour put on a pink dress and play her viola. My Sweet Baby James would love to sing to you and dance with you until your sides split from laughter.

I know your pain Mom.  I wish you had my strength. I  wish you could talk to a friend like I can when the world,  life,  your family,  seems to be so foreign and your heart so heavy that you think it would explode.

I wish you could have known the happiness that I feel after getting so angry because it feels as if the world is against you, only to find solace in the inner strength inside me. The strength I only have because you didn’t have enough for yourself never mind for me, so I  had to find it in myself.

Dear,  Dear Mom, I wish you could know my husband and I thank you for pushing me away so that I could find him.  I found a man who no matter how much I need he always had more than enough. If you didn’t do what you did to me those 30 years ago, I would never be the  mother I am today. 

Mom, happy mothers day in heaven for you deserve to be happy and healthy and loved.  

Love your imperfect daughter,

Mamasaurus  

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