Is Sociopath the New Black?

Catholic, children, coaching, disabilty, hockeymom, lettinggo, momoffive, motherhood, sports

Been awhile and I’m struggling trying to come to grips with why…self doubt, anxiety, busyness, de-prioritization of my needs; I can go on and on…

What has come to a earth shattering head is my desire to remove sociopaths from my life and avoid them at all costs.

What is a sociopath you ask?  Instead of defining the negative, I am focusing on the positive or empath side (because frankly I look terrible in orange!) and engaging in putting a desire to associate only with positive people and empathetic people.

For those wanting a good read, I highly recommend the The Empathy Trap a book that absolutely enhanced my work to dismantle the negative, energy sucking and stressful people and events from my life and encourage the positive.

Another article grabbed my attention this morning was the F word ( No not one of the  swear words I enjoy using!)  – but Feminism – and after International Women’s Day yesterday, the countless same old same old Women’s Month events, political pulling of the woman cards, special places in hell for certain women, etc. I felt I should break my self-exile and speak. As a women, a wife, a sister, a mother, a friend; my roles consistently put me in a place where sociopaths are the new norm and unfortunately are perhaps the new black – a blackness of depravity of character so beyond my comprehension that I refuse to accept it as the new norm.

A very wise person told me once  “No one gives a shit whether you live or die.”

Wiser words have never been spoken! Why? Because it came with a caveat -a millisecond later – the ONLY one that should care about you is YOU!

Anger, stress, revenge, sarcasm – all can be used as motivators, but often times we don’t know how to take the negative in our lives and turn them into golden opportunities for learning and self reflection and most often these “motivators” are turned to life altering stressors that cause disease, violence and pain.

Recently a coach put his hands on my child in anger. My child responded with anger back. I resisted (albeit with extreme difficulty) to turn to my default of anger, revenge, and vendetta, and turned to prayer and self-refection to try to help my child (and myself and those around me) grow and learn. I turned to a trusted friend with strong faith to help me through one of the most difficult events I have faced as a mother.

My child is forever changed by how I approached this difficult situation. I believe he has learned a tremendous amount from it. My child’s ability to analyze and reflect and learn from this is so well above his/her chronological age and I am so very proud.

I am angry? Yes! Am I disappointed? No doubt – but my attempts to channel positivity from this and to take an educators perspective, “What can be learned and done differently when presented with a situation like this in the future?” will undoubtedly affect not only the child affected, but every child and person in whom comes in contact with my child.

I will not be wearing black – in my wardrobe nor my countenance, but most importantly not in my soul! Easter is upon us and Spring in the air and with it, the winds of change…

 

 

 

 

Common (Dis)Courtesy

children, disabilty, momoffive, motherhood, waiting

Dear Medical Professionals,

This is broad category that encompasses doctors, nurses, office staff, receptionists, schedulers, ad nauseum…

Go back to charm school because you all suck this week!

As a person with a partridge and a pear tree’s worth of disabling conditions that I have had for 10 years, I understand and have seen how much medical care in NYS has gone in the crapper since then.

Guess what? I don’t give a damn. You chose to enter the profession. I didn’t choose to be permanently disabled and have to deal with your attitudes about being in a ACA medical profession in 2015 so suck it the hell up or find another job. Our president and the media tell me the economy is very good and there are lots of jobs!

Case in point – vascular surgeon’s office. (Yes a lovely new old development in the litany of “conditions that I have” needs to finally be addressed!)

On the news the other morning they said that there was an accident backing up traffic at 7:30 am. There is more than one way off this traffic accident area in which to reach your office.

My appointment, scheduled way over a month ago, was for 10:30 am. I arrive at 10:18 am.

At 11 am when I hobble crippledly up to the recpetion area to inquire what is going on with my appointment  and I am told then, and only then, that, “There was an accident. Patients were late, the doctors were late.”  in a rude and snotty tone.

I replied, “Well I was early, and was not informed of any of this so that I could have made a choice with my time. Most doctors offices either inform the patients at check in of a delay with an apology and give the patient the option of rescheduling. You did neither.”

Honey here’s a tip – I know I’m a bitch. I wear the badge proudly. I also know that as a vascular group you are used to dealing with geriatric patients that don’t have 5 children and a busy Christmas schedule and that can wait 3 hours while you make excuses for bad business practices. I also know that most of them have hearing issues. I do too, but not when you speak that loudly and say, “I’m tired of hearing people bitch!” do not expect me to not hear you.

Really? You are tired of it. Well honey listen to me – you haven’t heard bitch but it’s coming.

You are very lucky that I’ve gone more passive agressive this holiday season and have switched off my usual, “Go F#ck Yourself” response switch.

Instead, I will choose to write to my private payer insurance company and file, yet another customer complaint form. Luckily ’tis online and I have a fill-in-the-blank template already created which I call Bitch Libs.

It is in a much nastier tone and style, but I share this from the interwebs as a close style sheet:

Grievance Forms

I also may have a nice discussion with my new physician about how his recepiontist’s attitude could potentially cost him patients or his patients their lives. Remember Vascular = Stroke & Anurism Potential

I’ve heard it’s a bulk industry (the more patients the more money)  now so that may get a response.

Either way medical people try to be nice. If you can’t be nice certainly don’t call someone a bitch as you never know all the shit that is going on in their lives. (My 12 year old daughter is going in for major knee surgery on Monday and I have very few precious hours to get shit done because I have to call 1500 times to her medical office to  fill out a form for the school which takes 1500 hours to process said form and the time and I need a date and time of THAT surgery so I can plan for the other 2 minor children and your damn vascular surgeon’s office sign says no cell phones! What is this 1990?)

Most importantly – don’t call someone a bitch in my earshot.

You will never know when I will go back to full on Go F#ck Yourself mode…

Your courteous reminder,

Mamasaurus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Ms. Pasta Arian,

Congratulations you won! I get it truly I do. Constitutional freedom of religion is what people who have fought and died in service to our great nation is all about. Woman Heroically Wins

But heroic? Ummmm I think we need a definition check because the media has bastardized it beyond belief!!!

From Websters online:
: of or relating to heroes
: having or showing great courage
: very large or great in size, amount, etc.

Missy I want to see your ancestry . com profile because last time I checked Thor wore a traditional helmet of his culture to symbolize strength and honor. A colander well…

Having or showing great courage? Courage to actually go to DMV for that picture OK but GREAT courage is going with 5 kids and making sure you don’t look like a serial killer. Nope not even close.

Very large or great in size, amount, etc. OK seriously – can we all agree not even a competition on this point?

When your religion has suffered from oppression and distain for millenia then please talk to me about you struggle! Last time I checked Pastafarians were not in “hot water” waiting to be beheaded.

Go home sister you’re drunk (mind you is was a lovely ala vodka sauce and all!)

No ditalining around here,

Mamasaurus

disabilty, hockeymom, momoffive, motherhood, Uncategorized

Gloom Despair and Agony? – Not Me!

baseball, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Hello Out There,

One thing after another – all that there is to explain. Recuperation from the fall, utter despair and anxiety over “grown-ups” attacking my children and family, and car repairs took me away from my writing.

Gloom, despair and agony did take over my life for a little while over the past 6 weeks.

Then, the light – my children’s resilience, baseball and SUNSHINE!

Advocating for my children education empowered me. Seeing my children thrive despite artificial impediments to their success emboldened me to continue to fight on. My selection as judge of educational games and recognition of my professional talent made me proud.

As Mother’s Day rapidly approaches, I’m taking time to cheer myself with the knowledge that my most important job even is being a mother! If it were not for them, I would never have challenged myself to take risks, fight, and be empathetic to extent that I am.

Mamasaurus indeed is not extinct – she took a brief late winter hibernation.

Light, Happiness and Fulfillment – it Springs Eternal!

Mamasaurus

Women. Wage Disparity, Choice and MY Voice!

crockpot, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Dear Ms. Arquette, Ms. Clinton, Ms. Steinam, Ms. Warren and anyone else who claims to be the voice of America’s Women,

SHUT UP! You don’t speak for me!

I’m hereby claiming my own voice! You don’t have 5 children so how could you possibly understand my “struggles”? You don’t live just barely above poverty, in the lower middle class so don’t begin to try to speak, you Hypocrite, for me or my family! You don’t have to worry about how to pay for your child’s Senior year of college education because your credit is so bad you can’t even get a loan for your ” adult college student” because you all rigged the system for your banker buddies so shut up! Oh and thanks A.C.A. for screwing up my previously awesome health care so that now my college aged students have to call back to their doctor back here at home, 5 hours away, before they can go to campus health services for an asthma attack or an ear infection, because you want to force them to go to the more expensive ER! Yeah those government employee benefits are awesome everyone! We pay more and more every month for less and less on our very expensive “family” coverage!

Let’s talk about my awesome Master’s degree, 25 years of public and private school teaching experience and 2 permanent NYS teaching certifications! They don’t mean diddly squat in the real world! They also don’t mean squat in the public education world in NYS either, because of my CHOICE to care for my disabled father and disabled, mentally ill sister; I left teaching. Good luck trying to get back in! “You’re too expensive, you have too much experience we can’t pay you because of NYSUT rules,” I heard.

Bullshit! You’re too cheap, too stupid and/or too afraid to get someone in your classrooms with half a brain to point out the hypocrisy of the worst and/or least experienced teachers that usually become administrators. It’s kind of like the NYS Governor trying to mandate education reform when he failed the NYS Bar Exam four (4!) yes four, times and was a horrible student. He too is a hypocrite, because not only was his mother a school teacher, but his daughters never set foot in a public school classroom! A Kennedy offspring go to public school? What?

So in closing I would like all of those women to shut the hell up with the rhetoric and start doing something! Stop the book tours to pad your already overflowing coffers, stop the just looked like I rolled out of bed rambling at the Oscars, stop the pontificating on Capitol Hill; start rolling up your sleeves and do something! Give me a few million, I’ll start businesses for women who need a chance!

If not shut the hell up! My voice is loud enough. strong enough and smart enough to fight for myself and my own. I’d much prefer it that way anyhow! I’m off to take Babysaurus to the bus and then back home to care for my sick Beffersaurus and to make that dinner – that is MY choice!

Fight the power!

Mamasaurus

Feed with the TaTas!

Catholic, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood, OTE

Dear Golden Corral in Albany, NY,

While I understand times are tough for your owner since his flea bag disgusting motels that preyed upon society’s untouchables have been closed, the fact that your FEMALE manager asked a nursing mother to go and feed her baby in the bathroom is abhorrent. I nursed every one of the Fabulous Fullersaurus Five and while I never received any flack for nursing in public (Hmm I just don’t know why that would be?) I know that many women, law or no law to protect that right, feel shamed into covering up, feeding in the bathroom or just plain not doing it because of society’s shaming them. I say “Feed with the TaTas” and just do what is natural. Is that baby eating hurting you? I hope she uses the NYS breastfeeding protection law to not only raise awareness, but to financially punish that dirtbag owner.10423650_10153108409844931_8075938403934986813_n

In Solidarity,

Mamasaurus

Apologies, Social Media and Too Much Detail

Catholic, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Good Afternoon Roarers!

Today I find myself exceedingly calm, cool and collected – considering I had a major financial aid issue for my soon to be college grad Engineerasaurus Rex and it happened directly when I was supposed to be leaving for a rescheduled event.

Well after rushing to get the task done, making sure the JVsaurs were entertained, I hopped into the USS Fuller only to find it almost on E and very cranky due to the mind numbing cold.

20 minutes after I left the cave, and after I pretended I was on the pit crew at Indy for a refuel, I arrived at my destination (I actually took a shower and dressed in a suit with a scarf to accessorize and was wearing lipstick to top off the extreme top knot hairstyle all within 15 minutes – total elapsed time from start to finish 45 minutes!) only to find no one there!

Thinking that perhaps I had messed up my dates, I laughingly inquired if it was a mistake on my part. I was told no – the presenter had cancelled due to illness and had supposedly emaiedl all the registered participants. I was also told that another woman had come and gone.

Trusty Smartphone in hand, Mamasaurus searched the email boxes (Including SPAM), checked the Eventbrite notifications, to no avail – no cancellation.

I smiled and graciously started to walk out – only to meet up with another gentleman inquiring about the same event. He was not as gracious nor as accepting.

Trying to be ever so helpful, I messaged the host to let them know that others such as myself did not get the cancellation and that perhaps it was because of the Eventbrite software with my wishes for a speedy recovery.

I was met with a surprising and quite frankly off-putting reply.

I guess that’s the last time I’ll try and be helpful.

Note to all – when you apologize mean it. Be sincere. Do not make excuses. We all have sick kids, disabilities, difficulties with planes, trains and automobiles.

When it is – 20 celsius, and I have multiple mobility reducing permanent disabling conditions exacerbated by extreme cold; your excuses really don’t matter.

Sincere apologies do.

Say them however only if you mean them.

If not, don’t bother – I can tell the difference.

Cheers!

Mamasaurus

You’re Wearing That?????!!!!!

Catholic, disabilty, hockeymom, leggings, motherhood, OTE

Dear Women and Men and Those Who Don’t Identify with Gender at All,

Perhaps this comment is to you sitting there in the comfort of your warm surroundings on your iPad, or maybe you’re a poor young woman, struggling to buy appropriate clothing for your job on a tight budget, sitting at a library PC or on your smartphone, or you’re not – anyway you are seeing this – I want to give you permission to wear what you feel comfortable in and not let anyone, HEAR ME, anyone tell you differently.

I’m so sorry that society has turned on you – you beautiful creatures of all shapes and sizes. I’m sorry that my daughters (and sons too) have to guard everyday against the hatred that women (and men who want to be comfortable and/or push the conventional fashion envelope.) face every day: The dreaded comment, “You’re Wearing That?????!!!!!”

Who freaking cares? Really – think about it. Women, children, PEOPLE are being slaughtered, raped and beheaded worldwide and you are worried about someone telling you your a@$ looks fat?

Come on people – we are better than that!

Love to you all!

Mamasaurus

In response to and linked to Author KGB with gratitude:

http://blog.timesunion.com/ontheedge/poll-should-women-wear-leggings/59622/comment-page-1/#comment-796125

http://www.justkristi.com/2015/01/took-break-social-media/

Mi voz fuerte

disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Dear Ignorant Commenter on a FB page,

You are a coward. You had the nerve to complain about a person in a wheelchair taking too long to get on a public bus? Wow!!!! I pray for your immortal soul.

As a 39 year old mother of five children, my life was filled with busyness, a full time job, vacations that were scheduled, music lessons, dance lessons, etc., as well as my volunteer and philanthropic activities.

Fast forward to today, I’m still a mother of five, but I’m permanently disabled and mobility impaired due to auto-immune diseases and a mild tremor disorder.

I would love to not make people wait in line while it takes me longer to check out at a store, endure the glares and snide comments from ignorant people who comment on my parking in a handicapped space because I don’t look handicapped; but I’m glad that I do, because my disability has not taken my voice.

My voice can be used to advocate for those with disabilities that go home and cry to their parents and their caregivers because a person like the one commenting there yelled at them and they can’t yell back. The person you are shaming and complaining about is someone’s child, mother, father, husband, wife and/or friend.

I sure hope we meet, someday and that you are courageous enough to stand up for your views, in person.

I double dog dare you!

In solidarity,

Mamasaurus

“Avete molti angeli prendersi cura di ti. Dio sia con ti. buonanotte.”

Catholic, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Good Monday Morning Warriors!

Yeah, I know I’m here writing and not making lunches quite yet, but, as you know I’m a champion procrastinator.  I have a blue ribbon – if you want to see it come here real close…

So, you are asking yourselves, “Why the Italian?”

As in my last post, Italy and the Vatican are in my mind quite often and a young family and most especially a little 18 month old are in my daily prayers.

One of my ‘Rainbow Children” is currently on his trip of lifetime to Europe and North Africa. I am regaling in his travels and his FB posts make me feel as if I am right there with him, eating pizza, sneaking out of the monastary inn, and loving the history, culture and people that are Europe.

Basically, on these cold upstate New York mornings, I live vicariously through him, and dream of the day that I will be there.

Lately it seems that I have chosen, yet again, to allow people “in” that just don’t understand how I roll and when they inevitably become dishonest, untrustworthy or downright judgemental or mean, they must be exorsized from my life.

Now, now you say, people are human – they are imperfect creatures – and you have to give them a chance. Yup, you may be right – YOU being the key – I don’t have to do anything.

A dear friend, going through her own very real struggles, took the time to allow me to cry and show my frustrations yesterday on the phone. I really shouldn’t have, but I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Instead of being like some of the new ‘fly by night” friends that my mother, tormented in her own right, warned me about, my angel LISTENED! She showed great concern, empathy and caring – those gifts in a friend are so rare today that when you find one of these angels hold on to them for dear life.

So friends, happy first day of school, back to work or just Happy Monday!

Know that indeed angels are with you and as you go today, as always, may God bless you.

Mamasaurus