Is Sociopath the New Black?

Catholic, children, coaching, disabilty, hockeymom, lettinggo, momoffive, motherhood, sports

Been awhile and I’m struggling trying to come to grips with why…self doubt, anxiety, busyness, de-prioritization of my needs; I can go on and on…

What has come to a earth shattering head is my desire to remove sociopaths from my life and avoid them at all costs.

What is a sociopath you ask?  Instead of defining the negative, I am focusing on the positive or empath side (because frankly I look terrible in orange!) and engaging in putting a desire to associate only with positive people and empathetic people.

For those wanting a good read, I highly recommend the The Empathy Trap a book that absolutely enhanced my work to dismantle the negative, energy sucking and stressful people and events from my life and encourage the positive.

Another article grabbed my attention this morning was the F word ( No not one of the  swear words I enjoy using!)  – but Feminism – and after International Women’s Day yesterday, the countless same old same old Women’s Month events, political pulling of the woman cards, special places in hell for certain women, etc. I felt I should break my self-exile and speak. As a women, a wife, a sister, a mother, a friend; my roles consistently put me in a place where sociopaths are the new norm and unfortunately are perhaps the new black – a blackness of depravity of character so beyond my comprehension that I refuse to accept it as the new norm.

A very wise person told me once  “No one gives a shit whether you live or die.”

Wiser words have never been spoken! Why? Because it came with a caveat -a millisecond later – the ONLY one that should care about you is YOU!

Anger, stress, revenge, sarcasm – all can be used as motivators, but often times we don’t know how to take the negative in our lives and turn them into golden opportunities for learning and self reflection and most often these “motivators” are turned to life altering stressors that cause disease, violence and pain.

Recently a coach put his hands on my child in anger. My child responded with anger back. I resisted (albeit with extreme difficulty) to turn to my default of anger, revenge, and vendetta, and turned to prayer and self-refection to try to help my child (and myself and those around me) grow and learn. I turned to a trusted friend with strong faith to help me through one of the most difficult events I have faced as a mother.

My child is forever changed by how I approached this difficult situation. I believe he has learned a tremendous amount from it. My child’s ability to analyze and reflect and learn from this is so well above his/her chronological age and I am so very proud.

I am angry? Yes! Am I disappointed? No doubt – but my attempts to channel positivity from this and to take an educators perspective, “What can be learned and done differently when presented with a situation like this in the future?” will undoubtedly affect not only the child affected, but every child and person in whom comes in contact with my child.

I will not be wearing black – in my wardrobe nor my countenance, but most importantly not in my soul! Easter is upon us and Spring in the air and with it, the winds of change…

 

 

 

 

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The Real Truth About Sex

coaching, hockeymom, momoffive, sex, teeenagers, waiting

Dear Moms and Dads and People that Care about the Youth of Today and my Youthful Friends of All Ages,

Mamasausus here – and yes I have 5 children so I know a thing or two or five about sex! Now that I’ve caused you to chuckle PLEASE read this article.  http://www.aww.com.au/latest-news/in-the-mag/lost-innocence-why-girls-are-having-rough-sex-at-12-20831

You don’t have to say anything about it, comment or anything – just read it. I would also propose that along with any or all of the “talking points” suggested by this article I would also make a very important point to my pre-pubescent children as well – it is perfectly ok to NOT be a part of this club and suffer the ridicule of your peers.

It is ok to NOT HAVE SEX until you are old enough to handle its consequences. I’m not saying to wait until marriage or a stable committed relationship (I would hope you do as I could quote countless statistics but I’m a realist!) but it’s YOUR BODY – YOUR CHOICE!

Take ownership of YOUR body. My friend always says it’s not a buffet – it’s a fine dining establishment – which make the at-risk kids she works with take pause.

Romance is not dead, Treating each other with respect is NOT old fashioned. Waiting for the right time is NOT stupid – it’s smart, powerful and responsible.

Condoms do not protect against the mental anguish that having sex when you are not ready can do.

That’s reality. Anyone that tells you any different is not being honest. Send them over to me – I’ll set them straight!

It’s your body, your choice, your future!

Love you,

Mamasaurus

Grow Up – You’re Coming Untied!

baseball, coaching, hockeymom, motherhood, sports, Uncategorized

Dear Sport Moms and Dads (or any other person for whom this message pertains),

Grow up!  I’ve spent the past few months reflecting on the horrific behavior I have been witnessing in the guise of youth sports and let me tell you  something –  your child is not going pro.

Last night was the final straw for me!

A dear friend was upset because “grown”  women,  mothers, were loudly commenting on the fact that her 8 year old wasn’t trying shoes quickly enough in their opinion.

Really?  Shut up  you ridiculous,  judgmental,  wastes of reproductive organs!

Who in the hell is she/he bothering?  What the hell is wrong with you?  A child isn’t tying shoes quickly enough?  Last time I checked pumpkins,  shoe tying is not an Olympic, collegiate or any type of sport!

The ridiculousness of competition in youth sport and school is just insane.  Every time I watch a 7 or 8 year old child be stuck out in the outfield positions and placed at the bottom of the batting order when the coach states winning is not important but actions speak the opposite;  I’m disgusted.

To physically move a child from an infield position to place another child there that is “better”  after the  child has already started the inning is appalling.

What message does that send?  Win at all cost but say it is not important?

Today was the 3rd grade egg car race. Again,  parents,  so obsessed with winning,  “helped”  their children to the point at which the rules have been so obfuscated that having them are worthless.

What is the point of a technology challenge when you don’t follow specs nor actually have your child build it themselves with MINOR guidance? What do the children learn?

My children do their projects themselves,  write their own reports,  do their own science fair projects.  They play sports to have fun,  learn new skills and meet new friends.

Guess I will work on my kids’ hunting,  fishing and archery,  reading,  building and driving skills –  some of those are in the Olympics!

The rest of you work on your shoe tying –  Moms at the ballpark are watching!

Mamasaurus

Sports Mama Drama – A Mamasaurus Guide to Saying No

baseball, coaching, hockeymom, motherhood, sports

Dear Sports Mamas,

Where do I begin? To use this article as a justification for benching less skilled, less focused, or downright just young players is in my opinion appalling! You also need to look at the innate bias of the writer – his JOB is sports! He is unfortunately, packaging and marketing a product that can be used by these crazy obsessed people!  I received a response from him and he was appalled that it would be used to justify this nonsense and that it was not his intent! That makes me happy!

At 5-12 years old, young CHILDREN are still developing. Some develop sooner and stop, some develop later and blossom, some keep developing or some never will be the “star” but just want to play for fun to meet new people and gain a new skill. I am increasingly distressed by the justification of playing the perceived “star” or “favorite” players, when it’s just plain and simple politics wrapped in a candy coating. The craziness and competitiveness of youth sports is damaging our young people’s mental and physical health (repetitive sports injuries from too early specialization, etc.) and I for one, as a mother of five, will not buy into this mentality.

Children need to have fun until they are post-pubescent and then make the decision as to what to focus on. Children are being pressured by coaches at younger and younger ages to go to their chosen camps, play one sport all year long, and to be mean to those less skilled for what? A trophy? A championship? A tournament win? They are CHILDREN! When you are in MS and HS sure – play your favorites, but in youth sports, they all should play!

Papasaurus is one the of the best coaches I have ever had the pleasure of watching in action. He nurtures EVERY child not just the star! I was reminded by a “rival” coach a few months ago and seeing my track star last night reminded me of the power that coaches have over children’s and young adults’ lives. The fact that I got a huge hug from an amazing woman who I coached 25 years ago solidified it in my mind. Visiting one of my runner’s grave site every March does too. She was not nurtured by her coach post HS and ended her life.

So “Coach Haefner” go ahead and play your favorites. I hope that you still speak to them later in life. It is an amazing thing if you can!

Love,
Coach Mamasaurus

http://jeffhaefner.com/coach/yes-i-do-play-my-favorites/

Gloom Despair and Agony? – Not Me!

baseball, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Hello Out There,

One thing after another – all that there is to explain. Recuperation from the fall, utter despair and anxiety over “grown-ups” attacking my children and family, and car repairs took me away from my writing.

Gloom, despair and agony did take over my life for a little while over the past 6 weeks.

Then, the light – my children’s resilience, baseball and SUNSHINE!

Advocating for my children education empowered me. Seeing my children thrive despite artificial impediments to their success emboldened me to continue to fight on. My selection as judge of educational games and recognition of my professional talent made me proud.

As Mother’s Day rapidly approaches, I’m taking time to cheer myself with the knowledge that my most important job even is being a mother! If it were not for them, I would never have challenged myself to take risks, fight, and be empathetic to extent that I am.

Mamasaurus indeed is not extinct – she took a brief late winter hibernation.

Light, Happiness and Fulfillment – it Springs Eternal!

Mamasaurus

Mo’Ne Schools ‘Em Again

baseball, Catholic, motherhood

My love for another resident of the City of Brotherly Love has just been magnified! You rock Mo’Ne!

@pontifex Holy Father – you need to meet with her when you go to Philly!

http://www.phillymag.com/news/2015/03/24/mone-davis-just-wrote-book-twitter-trolls/

Women. Wage Disparity, Choice and MY Voice!

crockpot, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Dear Ms. Arquette, Ms. Clinton, Ms. Steinam, Ms. Warren and anyone else who claims to be the voice of America’s Women,

SHUT UP! You don’t speak for me!

I’m hereby claiming my own voice! You don’t have 5 children so how could you possibly understand my “struggles”? You don’t live just barely above poverty, in the lower middle class so don’t begin to try to speak, you Hypocrite, for me or my family! You don’t have to worry about how to pay for your child’s Senior year of college education because your credit is so bad you can’t even get a loan for your ” adult college student” because you all rigged the system for your banker buddies so shut up! Oh and thanks A.C.A. for screwing up my previously awesome health care so that now my college aged students have to call back to their doctor back here at home, 5 hours away, before they can go to campus health services for an asthma attack or an ear infection, because you want to force them to go to the more expensive ER! Yeah those government employee benefits are awesome everyone! We pay more and more every month for less and less on our very expensive “family” coverage!

Let’s talk about my awesome Master’s degree, 25 years of public and private school teaching experience and 2 permanent NYS teaching certifications! They don’t mean diddly squat in the real world! They also don’t mean squat in the public education world in NYS either, because of my CHOICE to care for my disabled father and disabled, mentally ill sister; I left teaching. Good luck trying to get back in! “You’re too expensive, you have too much experience we can’t pay you because of NYSUT rules,” I heard.

Bullshit! You’re too cheap, too stupid and/or too afraid to get someone in your classrooms with half a brain to point out the hypocrisy of the worst and/or least experienced teachers that usually become administrators. It’s kind of like the NYS Governor trying to mandate education reform when he failed the NYS Bar Exam four (4!) yes four, times and was a horrible student. He too is a hypocrite, because not only was his mother a school teacher, but his daughters never set foot in a public school classroom! A Kennedy offspring go to public school? What?

So in closing I would like all of those women to shut the hell up with the rhetoric and start doing something! Stop the book tours to pad your already overflowing coffers, stop the just looked like I rolled out of bed rambling at the Oscars, stop the pontificating on Capitol Hill; start rolling up your sleeves and do something! Give me a few million, I’ll start businesses for women who need a chance!

If not shut the hell up! My voice is loud enough. strong enough and smart enough to fight for myself and my own. I’d much prefer it that way anyhow! I’m off to take Babysaurus to the bus and then back home to care for my sick Beffersaurus and to make that dinner – that is MY choice!

Fight the power!

Mamasaurus

Roar On

motherhood

Native American Literature

In solidarity with a superbly vocal Native American woman, I humbly present her take on the dated language of the Little House books that I grew up with and that have recenlty, due to the extreme weather conditions in the NE United States have re-emerged as a Surivior’s Guide to Blizzards.

Roar on Ms. Reese!

Feed with the TaTas!

Catholic, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood, OTE

Dear Golden Corral in Albany, NY,

While I understand times are tough for your owner since his flea bag disgusting motels that preyed upon society’s untouchables have been closed, the fact that your FEMALE manager asked a nursing mother to go and feed her baby in the bathroom is abhorrent. I nursed every one of the Fabulous Fullersaurus Five and while I never received any flack for nursing in public (Hmm I just don’t know why that would be?) I know that many women, law or no law to protect that right, feel shamed into covering up, feeding in the bathroom or just plain not doing it because of society’s shaming them. I say “Feed with the TaTas” and just do what is natural. Is that baby eating hurting you? I hope she uses the NYS breastfeeding protection law to not only raise awareness, but to financially punish that dirtbag owner.10423650_10153108409844931_8075938403934986813_n

In Solidarity,

Mamasaurus

Apologies, Social Media and Too Much Detail

Catholic, disabilty, hockeymom, motherhood

Good Afternoon Roarers!

Today I find myself exceedingly calm, cool and collected – considering I had a major financial aid issue for my soon to be college grad Engineerasaurus Rex and it happened directly when I was supposed to be leaving for a rescheduled event.

Well after rushing to get the task done, making sure the JVsaurs were entertained, I hopped into the USS Fuller only to find it almost on E and very cranky due to the mind numbing cold.

20 minutes after I left the cave, and after I pretended I was on the pit crew at Indy for a refuel, I arrived at my destination (I actually took a shower and dressed in a suit with a scarf to accessorize and was wearing lipstick to top off the extreme top knot hairstyle all within 15 minutes – total elapsed time from start to finish 45 minutes!) only to find no one there!

Thinking that perhaps I had messed up my dates, I laughingly inquired if it was a mistake on my part. I was told no – the presenter had cancelled due to illness and had supposedly emaiedl all the registered participants. I was also told that another woman had come and gone.

Trusty Smartphone in hand, Mamasaurus searched the email boxes (Including SPAM), checked the Eventbrite notifications, to no avail – no cancellation.

I smiled and graciously started to walk out – only to meet up with another gentleman inquiring about the same event. He was not as gracious nor as accepting.

Trying to be ever so helpful, I messaged the host to let them know that others such as myself did not get the cancellation and that perhaps it was because of the Eventbrite software with my wishes for a speedy recovery.

I was met with a surprising and quite frankly off-putting reply.

I guess that’s the last time I’ll try and be helpful.

Note to all – when you apologize mean it. Be sincere. Do not make excuses. We all have sick kids, disabilities, difficulties with planes, trains and automobiles.

When it is – 20 celsius, and I have multiple mobility reducing permanent disabling conditions exacerbated by extreme cold; your excuses really don’t matter.

Sincere apologies do.

Say them however only if you mean them.

If not, don’t bother – I can tell the difference.

Cheers!

Mamasaurus