I’m burned out. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m overwhelmed.
Yet words written by my a friend to me today rocked my inner core:
“You are a ridiculously strong capable smart compassionate incredible caring mother and woman.”
Facing death, destruction and denial, I have been in a downward spiral of survivor’s guilt and soul crushing grief over the past month. Grief and sadness that I have covered up with lipstick, scarves and a smile.
How could she still see me as strong when I felt so weak? How did she see me as caring mother and woman when I have been short-tempered and angry? How does she see – see me?
So we talked further, and I had an idea. I am writing all the negative hurtful things that have been weighing me down out on paper and burning them at midnight.
Cleansing my inner self and creating a new year’s path of positive thoughts and actions these negative weights will float away as ashes.
I AM a ridiculously strong capable smart compassionate incredible caring mother and woman and 2018 will start off with my burning desire to be who I know I am.
No, I’m not talking about my wedding vows, I am talking about writing and creating the perfect lessons for my substitute teacher to continue the learning process with my vast array of students when I am not there.
The health and well-being of my students is always on my mind. Why is X suspended again? Why is L not going to class on time this week after I finally talked with him and thought he was on track? Why is C such a wizard and what can I do to challenge him so he is not bored? Is M still worried about her grades so much she doesn’t sleep at night?
See I believe that teaching is my calling. I have told my students that I take the whole “In Loco Parentis” part seriously. I am their parents while they are in school, but I’m not really am I?
I can’t ground them for being a jerk and skipping class, buy them ice cream on a day they are sad or give them a hug when their spirits are weary can I?
I try when I am there to be a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board for their concerns and a listening ear, even when they are screaming. I teach business, but in my job as CEO of my classes, I blur the lines between management and employees.
All I can do is make sure my substitute understands that they are MY kids and provide lessons to help to carry on my instruction.
In sickness and in health…
How Can He be Graduating…. He was Born Yesterday??.
My dear friend has surpassed anything that I could ever hope to write about how I feel since my eldest son graduated university. My words are still in progress! Congratulations #extremeMomGina and all the best! See you soon!
All my love,